The moment I pulled Iris into this world was the most magical, empowering, amazing moment I have ever had in my lifetime. I LITERALLY got to pull my baby out and into the world. I got to heal the trauma from my son’s birth, have the all-natural birth I wanted the first time around, feel the most powerful I have ever felt, and pull my sweet little girl out from my body and bring her earthside.
After the trauma I felt from my son’s birth (read more here) I knew from that moment on that when I went to have another child I would want a VBAC. When I got pregnant with my daughter I found a care provider who supported my decision whole-heartedly and who I trusted fully. I read inspiring VBAC stories and envisioned my birth. I did the research, I knew the risks, and even though I had moments of doubt through my journey, deep down in my soul I knew this was going to happen for me.
My daughter decided to make her debut fast and furious (and now knowing her determination and independence this all makes sense). From the start of my first contraction to when Iris was born was 4 hours from start to finish. We left as soon as I knew I was in labor (the hospital I chose to give birth at was 40 mins from my house). After checking in, getting upstairs, and into the tub I was already in transition. After not very long in the tub I felt the urge to push so they got me out of the tub and back to my room. I wanted to be on my knees in a squatting position and with all my primal power I pushed Iris out in 30 mins. At one point I panicked (if you’ve ever birthed a baby you probably had a moment like this too) where I thought I just couldn’t do this. My doctor came over to me, looked in my eyes, and said “reach down and feel your baby girl.” I couldn’t believe she was almost here. It gave me just the strength I needed, so with one final push I put my hands down and pulled my baby girl out and up onto my body. We did it. Iris and I. Together. It was incredible. A moment that is forever etched in my mind.
And even after a scary, unexpected and short visit to the NICU (more on that later) and a third degree tear (check out School For Vaginas) - all that pain and anxiety of those two difficult things about her birth aren’t what I remember so vividly.
I remember pulling my sweet baby girl into this world. Literally reaching down and picking her up and placing her tiny pink little body onto mine. It was magical, joyful, powerful and all consuming. It was the most amazing thing I have ever done in my whole entire life. It had given me confidence in ways I didn’t expect and strength in ways I never knew existed within myself. That moment will forever be one of my greatest accomplishments in life. Thank you baby girl for making me your mama. And showing me the strength within myself I never knew existed before you.
