Today marks one year since my dear friend and co-worker, Jesse, passed away suddenly, from a massive heart attack at age 46. He was there on Tuesday having coffee with me in his office, a daily ritual we had, and then after the workday was over he asked me to get him his ice pack for his sore arm muscles he had been complaining about all day. I got his ice pack, and rushed out the door to relieve the babysitter and get home to my kids. Little did I know when I said goodbye to him it would be the last time I saw his grey Chuck Taylors under his desk, or the last time he would listen as I complained about my kids being terrible sleepers, or the last time I would smell his cologne wafting from his plaid shirt (he was a fellow flannel lover).
I miss him every single day. He was the type of friend who knew how to really listen. Who was kind and supportive. Who was always there for me. Who made the work day go by faster and who was a true, and real friend to me. We called ourselves “lifers” at our office. And we would often talk about the future and how we would be seeing most of our younger, aspiring co-workers leave and find new and exciting opportunities. But we would remain. We each had kids. And homes. And spouses (I actually set him and his wife Hillary up on a blind date four years prior - they both came to see a play I was in at the theater. I told them both they were the two kindest people I knew and they deserved true love. They got married two years later). Our lives here were settled.
Ever since I had my son 4 years ago I wanted to do something to help new mom’s through the transformative and often difficult time of the postpartum period. I had told Jesse about my idea a few months before he died, and since he was the best designer I knew, and my dear friend, I asked if he would create my logo. He said yes, but then we never really talked about it again. Since he was kind enough to do me a favor I didn’t want to put any pressure or deadlines on it. I remember asking him once and him just saying “but the name is sooo long Erin.”
A few weeks after he was gone, I found my logo on his work computer. I was the person designated to go through all of his work things, which was a job you never plan to do. A monumental task of precious files. His whole life’s work, he was an INCREDIBLE designer and art director, was in my care. It was difficult to see all that beautiful potential lost, but also a gift I will cherish forever. I felt honored to be the one entrusted to handle this precious and valuable piece of my dear friends life.
When I found the logo, I couldn’t believe it. It felt like one more hug from him, one more parenting conversation over coffee, one more piece of our friendship that I will take with me and have forever. It felt like he was showering me with love and support even when he was no longer here.
Jesse was part of my sisterhood (even though he was a guy). He was a true friend. The type of friend that let’s you be who you truly are. Who let’s you be dramatic and ridiculous and vulnerable. The kind of person who brings joy to your work days and who texts you at night to ask if your kid fell asleep okay (cause you bitched about it all morning in his office).
So, thank you Jesse. Thank you for being a part of my life. For always listening. For always being my voice of reason in the workplace, and for being someone who wore his heart on his sleeve. I am honored you were my friend in this life and I will miss you every single day.
Welcome to the Sisterhood. I did it! With a little extra help from you ;)
